When It Rains...

Strangely enough, it is raining hard today - metaphorically and meteorologically. In speaking of my health, an old nemesis has returned with a vengeance. Over the past years I have had shingles 3 times in the same nerve in my lower back. It has left nerve damage, called post herpetic neuralgia (PHN - it's the herpes zoster virus that causes shingles and chicken pox in children). Over the past several weeks, this pain has made a come back - and I don't know if you've ever had shingles, but I don't hate anyone enough to wish shingles on them. The nerve pain from this requires more character than all the problems associated with CFIDS. When you put this together with the severly compromised central nervous system and sensitivities brought about by the CFIDS, you have a combination that tests your tolerance like few other things I have ever experienced. Let me stress again that I'm not looking for sympathy, want no pity or anything else of the sort. I write this for my own cathertic effects, as well as to increase understanding of what it's like to deal with this problem.

Life is tough and in the grand scheme of things, this is nothing. But as an internal character building experience, you just can't beat it. As a Christian, knowing that anything sent to me has been given for my good and for His glory helps greatly. I never have to look far to see someone going through more than I am, so there is a sense of guilt as I write this, and in even trying to ask someone to understand what CFIDS is like. In the scale of things, it doesn't rank highly - at least not my mid-range case. I am not bed ridden, work from home so I can hold down a job, bring home a good pay check, and provide for my family. I am blessed beyond my dreams. I guess my desire is to try to legitimize this for those worse off than I am. It can be a terribly debilitating condition. I do want people to understand that although PWC's (see definition in previous posts) can act completely normal and most often do, once the doors are closed and we're alone, it all falls apart. The payback is literally hell - and I don't even have a severe case. God help all those who do. Enough preaching, nobody wants to listen tot that. Good night.