I was Afraid of this...

Just saw a few notes from people who are reading this blog. Never thought that would happen... Perhaps my novel should be next. Seriously, anything that helps - even a little - for someone with CFIDS/ME or Fibromyalgia is a blessing and I'd be flattered to think I was a blessing to someone in some small way.

We've made a decision. With no great results after more than a year of treatment (quite possibly due to all the stuff that happens in life as much as effectiveness/ineffectiveness of the treatment), we've got the bills paid - and have decided to try to attain more of a maintenance mode. The insurance could stop paying at any time, the exceptions could suddenly be rejected - with the state of health care in America anything could happen - and I can't think of many of them that would be good. So, we're admitting a certain level of defeat and settling for a consistent level of 40-60% instead of trying to get the 90% that some get. Feels like deja vu all over again. No wait - it is!
I'm not trying to discourage anyone. This is what's right for me - we've got finances as well as health to watch. Who can enjoy better health if all you can use it to do is work more to pay off the bills? Before I started this latest - and most promising treatment, I had a base level that I existed at for years. With all the changes, supplements and meds, it's become a total roller coaster - making work nearly impossible and life more difficult than I would like. So the decision is tol go for low cost, no changes and no more bills over the possibility of getting 20-30% better. I sold out, I'm a wuss - but there is more to consider than myself here. My family is of course formost in mind. My wife has been there for me inbcredibly for the nearly 10 years of this. Day in and day out she has encouraged, worked, aided, done without, lived her own life like a nun because mine is like a monk - and it's enough. She deserves more. I'm actually content, but she deserves more. Funny - no shaking of my fist in the air at God here. So many people suffer with so much worse - shame on me if I did that.

My muscle tone has diminished significantly. I need to dedicate myself to the small things for which I never had the time - and see how much better I can get from them. More sleep, a better diet and some mild but regular exercise (VERY moderate Yoga seems to work well) - the plan is to reduce all the meds to only what is absolutely needed, slowly ween from anything else that I don't want to pay a small fortune for before I die someday - and then start with this and see where it leaves me. I'll still keep going to the doctor/clinic (if he'll have me) - but what I agree to will be greatly reduced and from more of a maintenance perspective. I am hopeful. I'll have to keep you updated - now that I know somebody's actually reading this. BTW - thanks for investing your time in this - I do hope it helps somehow. If you've read from the beginning, this was started mostly for me to put my thoughts "out there" and see if that didn't help me to feel better. Well, it does - a bit. And as anyone who has this life defining condition will tell you - a bit is significant.